nicely done, especially for a first
from start to finish, use of some lower strings would bring out the feel of battle, around :32, the melody line got really out of key, which kinda made the feeling of battle seem kinda out of place (if you want to continue using chromatic scales in these kinds of things, look up some of Nobuo Uematsu's songs {the guy who writes for almost all of Final Fantasy}) :49 could have had alot more of tension to the next part. Near the final part, u tried matching the cymbals to the piano melody, which kinda didnt work, it wasnt horrible, but kinda got distracting u know? For future refrence, try using some more instrumentation, such as a snare drum doing some militaristic flams, and (especially for castle-like battles) use alot of brass, especially trumpets/cornets/horns. This song is definatly well done for its own rights, but was kinda slow and more balladish than epic, whether or not that was what you were going for, it seemed from your comment that it would have sounded alot more action packed (look up Immediate Music to see what im kinda talking about, they have alot of different techniques that help out some epic composers) if you were actually going for a balladish type song, then by all means you pretty much nailed it, although the drumset wouldve helped set up a feeling of ambiency if it had a snare shot or something to help give a more relaxing beat. toward the end, the song didnt really move as much as it did in the earlier parts, id suggest changing the melody part a bit. I gotta say, this song was really well done for your first submission, hope u keep at it